I Breathe This.

A good friend of mine posted this quote on her blog awhile ago. I'd always go back to her blog to read it instead of copying and pasting it for myself. I love this friend dearly so I guess when I read it I felt like she was with me, someone who lives and feels this way too. It still captures my heart and will continue too.

"To wait open-endedly is an enormously radical attitude toward life. So is to trust that something will happen to us that is far beyond our imaginings. So, too, is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life, trusting that God moulds us according to God's love and not according to our fear. The spiritual life is a life in which we wait, actively present to the moment, trusting that new things will happen to us, new things that are far beyond our own imagination, fantasy, or prediction. That, indeed, is a very radical stance toward life in a world preoccupied with control." - Henri Nouwen

If you have never heard of or read anything by Henri Nouwen, I highly suggest you do. My life has been transformed because of his heart that he shares with us.

coffee & chai

My life in the past few years is something I can't even believe I have lived, endured. I wonder what it looks like from an outsider looking in? I always feel like the foreigner dreaming about others adventures to new lands and places. I'm always wanting more, something new, a spontaneous moment to run after full of verve, intensity, riskiness, uncertainty and laughter. A life that brings beauty through each moment when I meet it. I want challenges that face and tempt me with it's colors, smells, touch, sounds, and oh so many flavors. Somewheres and some-ones among my streets, up the hill through the winding way, below or above, or across the sea are all in sight of what I want to greet. Often I wait for it all to come to me. I say it will someday. I say soon after the loneliness passes I will find my comfort there... but I am there. In this moment I am living it. This is the life that is filling my soul with many emotions that make the heart tingle and my lips slide up to show some white, uneven teeth. The bits I've pursued and achieved will never leave my mind, nor will they ever stop being told or heard. The years have brought pain that I've dwelled in countless times. The years have revealed strengths and growth por cada dia. The years have brought me much pleasure through people whom I call friends. I continue to invite them. I invite them to realize where they are and where they want to go. I invite them to journey with me. Let our minds carry on and dream about these places and feelings, but know that this moment, this very moment is a part of that dream. We are living it.

My heart feels this way and I don't think it will ever come to a halt. I'm ready to live now and I'm ready to live later. Let's live together and share our story. You have a cup of coffee and perhaps I'll have one too, but more than likely it will be my chai tea.

Te Vi Dormiendo Con Mi Gato!

...sounds romantic, huh? Well, I guess it could be if you like that sort of thing. These are words from one of my greatest friends in this world: “I saw you sleeping with my cat!” :) This is what (early) morning brings to me sometimes and how can I turn that away!

And yes, this is what my blog is about. Anything and Everything.

Clearly, it has been over 2 months since my adventure. No more blog posts. Most of you know I started this blog for my 4 month excursion to Guatemala. When I returned it was if I just closed that door. Closed it and opened another. Back to “real life”.

There has been so much blog talk in the last few weeks of my life. So much that it gave me an itch and impulse to start doing it right then! To drop everything I was doing and let the non-profound words flow. I love when there are constant comments or conversation about something that has been on your mind and it’s revealed to you through other people. I love feeling that instantaneous challenge and encouragement from them and you already feel so alive and you haven’t even done anything about it! Even by those who have no idea they have done that for you... Inspiration.

I definitely over think things. Something as simple(?) as this. I worry too much about how people will receive it. I can think of all the scenarios and thoughts, basically LIES, that I assume people will think.

I’m done with that. I’m trying at the very least. I am done being afraid of not acting out in the moments that bring me life, that make me smile. Certain acts more so than others. There are things in my life that I take head on. No one can show me up. And if you want to challenge me at it, go right ahead, but you probably haven’t met anyone more competitive as you will me. But... I use it all for good :)

So, I will make this oath to myself on this lovely, early Wednesday morning:

“ I, Jackie, Jack, Jacqueline Andrea Palma, will shake those hips on that dance floor with all I’ve got! Sing as loud as I shout and laugh! Run as far as I can with arms wide open! Reach as high as I can and then get a ladder to reach even higher! Bow down on my knees as low as I can and then dig a hole to bow even lower! I will not be afraid. I will be afraid to be average. I will dream while I sleep! I will be dream while I’m awake! I will Love! I will Love with everything in me!”

This isn’t homework or a graded assignment. I will more than likely have many grammatical errors. I’m not writing to be published. I’m not even writing to impress.

I’m writing because I can. I’m writing because I want to. I’m writing because my heart is telling me to. (I’m writing because my friends are telling me to ;) I realize how I am moved by people. How I am moved by their words. I’m moved knowing it’s a glimpse of who they are. I want to let people in on a glimpse of me. If I’m moved by others thoughts and words, maybe just someone will be by mine.

Their words are worth it. My words are worth it.

Dedicated to my East Coast Love :) You have, do and continue to inspire me. 6:42 am